When you’re distracted or trying to concentrate you fold your ears & crease your bottom lip under your front teeth. Or that when you’re anxious or can’t sit still you need to tweak someone’s ears or elbows. Maybe both. But you prefer your dads ears, and your moms elbows. Sometimes if there’s nobody around, or close enough, you’ll even tweak your own. That you’re favorite things to put you asleep or relax you are when someone tickes your feet.. or traces the palms of your hands. And your most favorite, runs their fingers through your hair and massages your scalp. Who else is going to know and understand that you need to be alone a lot. You need your space. It’s not because of the person or people around you, usually, although people drain you. It’s just that your space is sacred to you. She’s not going to know that sometimes you’d like to go to church. But you don’t like going during the holidays because around the holidays it’s overcrowded full of people that are only there because of the holiday. Do you think she’ll be okay that you aren’t a touchy feely person? Especially at night? Or you don’t care for drama or trivial matters? I hope she knows that you are incredibly independent. But when you’re sick she should bring you your mint tea and honey. And definitely give you more massages than usual. Especially to help your back. And I hope she gets up early to cook you breakfast and feed the little love. Will she know that you will want to take yourself on dates while she stays behind sometimes, because you value yourself and like your space? Will she be okay with things like that? I wonder if she knows that instead of asking to help, if she sees something that needs to be done, she should do it instead of asking. How is someone going to know you need your clothes washed, folded, and hung in a paticular way that you’re familiar to. The correct way of course, because you’re (almost) always right. How will she know that she’s not supposed to mark the mirrors or windows, and if she does she should wipe them new. She won’t know your favorite flowers. She won’t know your guilty pleasures of your favorite ice cream spot. Or your favorite cupcake spot. Or your favorite Italian spot. Don’t get me started on your burger spots. She won’t know your favorites. But that you also like trying new things. She won’t know that you prefer staying in and watching interesting movies and documentaries, or going to the bookstore to read the backs of the books to find the best ones, than going out and drinking or partying. She won’t know you prefer the scenery of the trips you plan, over the basic ‘it’s vacation lets drink and party, and try to find the hot spots’ train of thought. She won’t know that you prefer the summer to winter, because you easily get cold, and you often get the winter blues. She won’t know that you like to be outside as much as you can, no matter what is is you are doing or have to do, during summer. Because you love the sunlight shining down on you. You love adventure. You love. How will she know? How will she love you the way I have loved you? How could she ever treasure your family as much as I have learned to? How could anyone? She won’t know that you are unique. You’re different than most people. In a good way. She won’t know that, and she won’t know she has to learn and listen the ways your brain works. She won’t know. I hope you find her though. Because all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. And I always will. Even if it’s not with me. I’ll always love you. You’ll always be my person.
This sounds like a true love lost. I envy the person who had this woman. And pity the woman who lost her.
